I dropped my favourite underwear in the Starbucks parking lot.
It’s a long story, but it turns out we shouldn’t wash our intimates with our jeans.
In any case, they must have been bunged up in my pant leg as I strutted toward Starbucks. And as if they had a mind of their own, skooched their way down and tumbled out into the busiest Starbucks parking lot in town.
It would be an average story. Except that the patio tables at Starbucks were full of men.
Motorcycle riding, handsome as heck, leather clad, men.
And on that day, just about a year into my recovery from the blindside, I was trying my best to be brave. I was trying my best to be cute.
I was trying my best to be okay.
Rejection and betrayal have a way of sucking the self-esteem right out of us, don’t they?
When the unthinkable crashes through the door, it's difficult to find our footing. It's difficult to be okay.
And on that day, trying to be as brave and cute and okay as possible - I needed a win.
I needed that day at Starbucks to go off without a hitch.
But instead, as an audience of men looked on - my favourite, lacy blue panties, after tumbling out of my pant leg - lay splayed out as if to take flight, right there for everyone to see.
And of course, if it weren’t for the helpful motorcycle gentleman at the door who drew my attention to my XL lacy blue panties laying unashamedly “over there”, the whole thing might have gone unnoticed.
I leapt off the curb, grabbed those panties and shoved them deep into my pocket. And then hopped back up on the sidewalk where my handsome gentleman friend was holding the door.
Sweating in places I’d never sweat before I stood helplessly in line, awaiting my order. And when those coffees came, I ran like a gazelle to my car and peeled out of there like I was on fire.
Without spilling a drop. Panties in tow.
Today, I can laugh out loud about that fateful Starbucks situation. I see my younger self trying to hold it all together- only to drop her favourite panties in the parking lot.
And today, as I smile back at her - I want to remind her, it’s okay not to be okay.
And I want to remind you of that too.
It’s okay not to be okay.
It’s okay to have days that just don’t go as planned. It’s okay to struggle and to be undone and overwhelmed.
It’s okay not to be okay.
But can I remind you? While we will definitely have days when we are not okay, we have to be careful to not hitch our identity to the struggle.
We must be ever so cautious to keep a keen eye on Truth.
Because struggle has a way of casting doubt on truth. Struggle has a way of holding us hostage to a nasty narrative - one that will try to convince us that God isn’t with us. That He isn’t for us. And that we are destined for a life of hardship.
But God says otherwise.
He says we are made on His image. He says we are the object of the greatest pursuit of all time. He says He is for us. And He says that He will never leave us. That He has good things in store. And that all of this here on earth means nothing in light of eternity.
It’s hard to keep things in perspective when all of everything seems to be tumbling down on us.
But if I can remind you today, the things of this earth - the days we aren’t okay, the messy bits and pieces we wish weren’t our story, the wipeouts and blindsides - they’re tiny drops in the bucket of His goodness.
He will do exceedingly, abundantly more in your life. His promises never change. And, no matter what, He doesn’t change His mind about us. We can trust Him to give us beauty for the ashes.
It’s okay not to be okay. And it gives God a wonderful opportunity to show you that He is indeed in the business of picking up what we’ve dropped, and making good come from all of it.
May you have a wonderful day today - full of reminders that God is absolutely for you and actively involved in every aspect of your life.
And when possible, try to keep your intimates separate
Love, Nicole
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